Disorder #1
Introdution
This work aims to express the confusion and conflict that a trans man experiences when confronted by menstruation.
Every time my period came, my mood hit rock bottom. I felt overwhelmed, ashamed, and scared that someone might figure me out. At the same time, my joints hurt all over. They hurt so badly that it felt as if my body was falling apart, bone by bone.
During those times, I had no energy to go outside. I couldn’t do or work on anything. I didn’t even have the strength to clean up or look at that pool of blood.
For many people, menstruation is a natural part of their body. But for a transgender man, it can bring about an intense conflict between his identity and body. The signals from his body clash with his sense of self, and even everyday life becomes difficult.
The third month since I started taking testosterone shots, my period stopped. That was when I realized that this confusion was not intractable. I simply needed time for my body to slowly catch up with the direction of my identity.
This work does not try to provide an answer. It simply presents that confusion with honesty.
Comment From the Judge :
Chia-Hsien Yang
Confusion, distress, and helplessness are embodied in the disorderly objects and the person lying on the bed. The blood-stained bedding and clothing remain striking against the bright red headboard.
This photograph abandons conventional elements of beauty, symbolism, and visual polish that other images often employ. Instead, through the rough background and a numb expression, it presents a raw and powerful lived experience.
The blood, with its associations of life and death, exists alongside testosterone injections and a body and identity that continue to change. At the same time, the everyday experiences of shame and breakdown are brought directly in front of the camera, connecting the body of the trans man in the image with the bodily experiences of countless people beyond the frame.